Lack of Identity...

On Tonight I am going to write more transparent than I ever have before in my life.  First time for everything and I must start somewhere and that is the first step to recovery. To be quite honest I really don't have a clue as to my real true identity.  For years I had the need to be someone else and I would do absurd things to try to fit in with whatever crowds that would accept me.  Not too long ago I became saved and there's a scripture stating that the new has come and the old is gone,  however I can't honestly say that I understand nor fully comprehend what the meaning of this truly means.
For so many years I was taken to therapist to therapist and psychiatrist to psychiatrist and I was diagnosed first with autism and then at the age of sixteen I was diagnosed with having borderline personality disorder.  I do have quite a few autistic tendencies however borderline personality disorder fits me for I have never had a clear understanding nor knew my own identity for the real person who I am. 
I have been labeled and put into a box and I have been treated by my family that I was the crazy and mentally ill and unstable one.
I know that my biggest fear is to face myself for the woman that God created me to be for it is uncomfortable territory for me for I am not quite certain as to who I am except for what others has told me and groomed me for who I believe that they wanted me to be.  I have always been controlled by my parents,  the pimps,  the judicial system,  addictions, being overly worldly in my sexual promiscuity and the mental health system and two ex spouses and a ex girlfriend and prostitute. My confusion is within myself for I have never had the opportunity to really get to know me much less open up and be completely vulnerable and forthcoming and say that I don't know. 
My biggest fears are abandonment and being rejected and neglected by my peers and society although I think that I have been my biggest detriment to myself for never accepting myself and the gnawing feeling that I am never good enough for anyone.  I'm afraid of getting close to my peers for fear of being misunderstood and Overlooked and dismissed as I always have seemed to be. This is the first time in my life that I am attempting to take a look into the inside mirror of myself and quite frankly I'm terrified by this and downright horrified by what I may discover or mostly what others will discover about me.
I am very big on self image management and I have not been a good steward of my thereof lack of knowing exactly what I am and who I am.
Karlynda Stebbins