Never Had A Chance

According to my mother she said that she knew something was wrong with me as a infant for when she went to touch me I would stiffen up.  She said that I didn't like to be cuddled and my mom said she would cry. I don't think that I bonded with anyone even in my mother's womb. I started to flip my hands when I was five months old in front of my eyes and that is a sure sign of autism. 
When I was 13 months old my parents moved to Omaha Nebraska for my father to go to Grace College Of The Bible to become a Baptist pastor. My mom taught school in Council Bluffs Iowa and so my father was my main caregiver. When I was old enough to walk I didn't even learn to crawl or walk I was a natural born runner which I think is a appropriate way of saying that I was ingrained even as a baby to run away from my terrible Circumstances at my house. 
One day after school my mom came home and I climbed up to my father's desk and I wanted to see pictures of me and I went to climb down and my father had a swivel chair and it dumped me onto the floor and it was a old hardwood one if that. I literally almost bit my tongue off and to this day I have scars from the stitches that it was sow up at. I supposedly stopped talking and my mother took me to a National children's psychiatric center called the boys and girls town National Institute. My mother's fears were confirmed that I was autistic. In fact they told her that I would be better off in a home for autistic children. My mother said NO! So what they did was put me into speach therapy in hopes that I would start talking and I didn't.  As I'm giving a account of the events that I have been told none of it adds up! I have been lied to by my mother all of my life. Of course I'm too young to remember it so I am merely telling you what I was told. As, I'm giving a account for this several things doesn't add up to me! I was a victim of my mother's munchausen syndrome and she took me to Dr to Dr and therapist to therapist.
I remember being molested by my father and I can't help but think that he molested me as a infant as badly as I reacted to touch. To this very day I'm not a fan of affection for when I get affection I instantly get anxious and I get aroused for I was easily aroused as a little girl when my father touched me.  The only time that I remember getting my Dad's attention is when I was being inappropriately touched by him as I get deeper I will tell you more.
When I was being molested I associated that with love and it caused for much confusion in my life.  I am going to go into some graphic details later on.
Karlynda Stebbins